Born February 16th, with a black grease mop parted to perfection, at a rotund and gluttonous 10 lbs 3 oz, it was immediately apparent that Saparmurayat Niyazov had reentered the world in the form of our daughter. Though we were defiant in our assuredness that our nurturing could undo nature and deter the little bundle from despotism, we nonetheless relented to nature a bit and declared her, and her birth month formerly referred to as February: May. There was also a pleasant alphabetic economy to it considering her mother is Amy. Might as well ration now as I could see by the glint in her eye that she would soon make illegal all excess letters and numbers.